Friday, March 30, 2007

I'm not dead...yet!

Dear Gravyheads:

Every once in a while I come across some interesting things in my readings, whether it be the Internet, the newspaper or books I read. I want to give a big shout out to a series of books I really think are groovy; these are Uncle John's Bathroom Readers, published by the Bathroom Readers' Institute. They are a series of books each consisting of about 500 pages of stories, including trivia, culture, history, science, etc. They are meant to be read while you spend time in the bathroom doing...well...you know what....and makes it a more "quality" time. The stories are divided into different lengths based on the amount of time you think you will be spending in the bathroom, and are divided into Quickies, Regular Length, and Extended Sitting Section for, as they describe, for "those leg-numbing experiences."

As an example, I'd like to share a story from Vol. 14, The Supremely Satisfying Bathroom reader:

The title of the story (and its under the Quicky category) is Rumors of my Death...It has three stories, but I will share only one (sort of a teaser....).

DECEASED: Jose Estrada, 48, of Baytown, TX

NEWS OF HIS DEATH: In February 1996, Estrada went for a run on a jogging trail near his house. He didn't know it, but just a few minutes earlier paramedics had taken away the body of a man who had collapsed and died while jogging on the same trail. The dead man wasn't carrying any identification; all he had was a set of GM car keys. So a sheriff's deputy went back to the scene to see if the keys fit any of the cars. For some reason, the keys fit in Estrada's GM truck.

The deputy traced the license plate to the Estrada residence. He broke the news to Estrada's wife and took her to the hospital to identify the body. "There was a tube in the man's mouth, and tape over his mouth and eyes, so I couldn't really see his face," said Estrada's wife. She then positively identified the body as Jose. Later, she blamed it on being in a state of shock.

RESURRECTION: While all of this was going on, Estrada finished his jog and stopped at the grocery store before heading home. As he was putting away the groceries, his wife's boss called to offer condolences. Informed of his own death, Estrada raced to the hospital to tell his wife it was a mistake, arriving just after she signed the death certificate. "After I stopped hugging him, I started crying," his wife said. "And I told him, 'If you ever die on me again, I'll kill you myself!'"

I have spent many an hour reading these delightful tidbits while spending some necessary "me" time in the bathroom. I would highly recommend these books if you are so inclined and enjoy reading while in the toilet!!!

1 comment:

BuBBy said...

Uncle Johns is awesome. I have the Bathroom Calendar!