Friday, March 30, 2007

I'm not dead...yet!

Dear Gravyheads:

Every once in a while I come across some interesting things in my readings, whether it be the Internet, the newspaper or books I read. I want to give a big shout out to a series of books I really think are groovy; these are Uncle John's Bathroom Readers, published by the Bathroom Readers' Institute. They are a series of books each consisting of about 500 pages of stories, including trivia, culture, history, science, etc. They are meant to be read while you spend time in the bathroom know what....and makes it a more "quality" time. The stories are divided into different lengths based on the amount of time you think you will be spending in the bathroom, and are divided into Quickies, Regular Length, and Extended Sitting Section for, as they describe, for "those leg-numbing experiences."

As an example, I'd like to share a story from Vol. 14, The Supremely Satisfying Bathroom reader:

The title of the story (and its under the Quicky category) is Rumors of my Death...It has three stories, but I will share only one (sort of a teaser....).

DECEASED: Jose Estrada, 48, of Baytown, TX

NEWS OF HIS DEATH: In February 1996, Estrada went for a run on a jogging trail near his house. He didn't know it, but just a few minutes earlier paramedics had taken away the body of a man who had collapsed and died while jogging on the same trail. The dead man wasn't carrying any identification; all he had was a set of GM car keys. So a sheriff's deputy went back to the scene to see if the keys fit any of the cars. For some reason, the keys fit in Estrada's GM truck.

The deputy traced the license plate to the Estrada residence. He broke the news to Estrada's wife and took her to the hospital to identify the body. "There was a tube in the man's mouth, and tape over his mouth and eyes, so I couldn't really see his face," said Estrada's wife. She then positively identified the body as Jose. Later, she blamed it on being in a state of shock.

RESURRECTION: While all of this was going on, Estrada finished his jog and stopped at the grocery store before heading home. As he was putting away the groceries, his wife's boss called to offer condolences. Informed of his own death, Estrada raced to the hospital to tell his wife it was a mistake, arriving just after she signed the death certificate. "After I stopped hugging him, I started crying," his wife said. "And I told him, 'If you ever die on me again, I'll kill you myself!'"

I have spent many an hour reading these delightful tidbits while spending some necessary "me" time in the bathroom. I would highly recommend these books if you are so inclined and enjoy reading while in the toilet!!!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The perfect footwear for your next tiki gathering

Sandals with built-in flask

Reef's Dram Sandals have a built in foot-flask for your whiskey-soaked wanders down the beach. Link (via Uncrate) See also:

Beach-sandals with built-in bottle opener

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Don't kill that sheep!!!

A public service report by Dr. Harmless!

Hello fellow Gravyheads! After perusing the Brain Gravy whiteboard, and some intense internet research, I have found some very bizarre and strange sex laws that involve not only different countries of the world, but different states in our own country here in the United States! As a public service to you, our dear listeners and readers, I feel it my duty to make you aware of these laws, lest you find yourself someday in some Turkish prison walking a circle and talking unintelligibly the rest of your life!

Now mind you, if, after reading this report, and still decide to continue to break the law, try to do it discretely. If you can't do it discretely, then at least take pictures or, even better video and/or audio, and send it to!

So, without further warning, here are some very strange laws countries (including our own!) have concerning sex:

-In many Middle Eastern countries it is prohibited to eat the sheep you had sex with. A person who decided to eat this sheep is making a deadly sin, and he will never get into paradise with 70 virgins.

-In Lebanon having half of population Christians, men are officially allowed to have sex with animals. Yet, an important restriction is applied: the animal must be female. For sex with male animals death penalty can be imposed.

-In Indonesia a person will be executed if he/she masturbated.

-In Bahrain a man-gynecologist can have patient’s examination only by seeing the genitals’ image in the mirror.

-In Guam, the island in the Pacific owned by the USA, there are specialists called defloration-makers. Such a specialist goes around the island and deprives females of virginity for a certain fee. A virgin cannot get married in Guam. A defloration-maker is the most exotic profession in the world, but this specialist is unlikely to move up the career ladder…

-In Hong Kong a woman cheated by her husband is allowed to kill him, but only with bare hands, use of weapons is not permitted. As for her husband’s mistress, the wife is allowed to kill her by any means.

-In Columbia, in town Kali a woman is allowed to have sex only with her husband. The bride’s mother has the role of an eye-witness and she is required to be next to the spouses during their very first sexual intercourse.

-In Bolivia, in town Santa-Krus a man is not allowed to have sex with a woman simultaneously.

Here in the United States, we have some strange laws as well concerning sex (so we can't go around saying how bizarre the REST of the world is concerning strange sex laws!):

-In Arizona keeping more than two dildos at home is prohibited.

-In Colorado there is a ban on kissing a woman who sleeps.

-In Connecticut, in the town of Hartford, a man is forbidden from kissing his wife on Sunday.

-In Florida only the position “man on top” is legally allowed, and it is not allowed to kiss woman’s bust during sexual intercourse, In Massachusetts a woman is not allowed to have the position of “woman on top” in sex as well.

-In Minnesota sex with birds is strictly prohibited.

-In Ohio women are not allowed to wear lacquered shoes because they underwear can be seen on their “mirror” surface.

So there you have it! And remember, if you find yourself screwing a sheep in the Middle East, please, please, don't eat it afterwards! Do yourself a favor, and offer the sheep a cigarette and some chocolates, and walk away slowly! We don't want to lose any of our faithful Gravyheads!!!

Until next time, this has been a public service report by Dr. Harmless!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

"Providing health and beauty to the willy and anus."

Oh Gravyheads, how could I not share this? After the article, the prophet who foresaw this innovation.


Japan's ever-inventive sex industry's latest innovation is an adaptation of the facial -- a mud pack for the penis, according to Spa! (3/27).

Authorities have in recent years taken a harder line on the flesh trade, prompting operators to come up with up an increasing variety of services aimed at providing pleasure but circumventing the long arm of the law.

The mud pack for the penis, which follows a wine bath for the gonads, is part of an Italian-style esthetic treatment offered by a Tokyo-based service called The Aromani.

"A whole lot of operations similar to ours sprung up in a short time and we needed to provide a service nobody else was offering and this was it," The Aromani's boss tells Spa! "Our sales point is that we also offer variations, including having the service performed by multiple workers (groups of two or three women), or you can have it performed by a shy woman or another who'll do it while talking dirty."

The Aromani's boss says the service began with the motto of "providing health and beauty to the willy and anus."

The service involves using a hotel sink or face-washing basin and filling it with warm water and wine. This is aimed at improving the circulation. Instead of inserting the face, however, the client places their bottom in the bowl, allowing the penis and anus to be soaked in the suds of their sommelier.

Spa! notes that the washing is performed by at least one woman, who The Aromani insists must be in her 20s or 30s at the oldest.

Once the basic basin service has finished, the genitals are swathed in a chunk of mud supposed to cleanse the skin. Once they are completely covered, the woman (or women) providing the service, then show their handiwork, so to speak, until the client reaches climax, or what Spa! calls the "ascent to Heaven." (By Ryann Connell)

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Forbes lists ten best Irish Whiskeys

Whether you consider yourself a beverage connoisseur or just want some help getting your Irish on this St. Patrick's Day, Forbes has compiled a list of their top ten must-drink Irish Whiskeys. Ranging in price from $17 - $1000 per bottle, you can certainly find something on this list that will fit any budget, and perhaps discover something new for your palate as well. Without further ado,'s selections:
  • Bushmills 21 year old (single malt), $115, Bushmills Distillery, County Antrim
  • Midleton Very Rare (blend), $150, Midleton Distillery, County Cork
  • Redbreast 12-year-old (pure pot still), $50, Midleton Distillery, County Cork
  • Green Spot (pure pot still), $60, Midleton Distillery, County Cork
  • Jameson 18-year-old (blend), $65, Midleton Distillery, County Cork
  • Knappogue Castle 1951 (pure pot still), $1000, Distillery now defunct, less than one thousand bottles left in the world
  • Connemara Cask Strength (single malt), $60, Cooley Distillery, County Louth
  • Jameson 12-year-old (blend), $33, Midleton Distillery, County Cork
  • Black Bush (blend), $29, Bushmills Distillery, County Antrim
  • Powers Irish Whiskey, $17, Midleton Distillery, County Cork

Dial-a-toast from Bushmills Master Distiller

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone! It isn't hard to get into the spirit of this holiday when the festivities are, for a lot of people, centered on the consumption of Irish Whiskey, Irish Cream, Guinness, and the odd green beer. In fact, there is a joke that states a typical seven-course St. Paddy's dinner contains a six-pack and a potato.

All kidding aside, and whether you are Irish or not, it is a great chance to get together with friends or family and raise a glass to toast those around you. If you find yourself at a loss for words though, Colum Egan, the Master Distiller at Bushmills Irish Whiskey, wants to help you with this feat and has set up a toll-free line that features ten of his favorite Irish toasts. To hear the pre-recorded messages (complete with Irish accent) simply dial 1-800-Bushmills. (Note: you may notice that has too many numbers for a regular call. "1-800-Bushmil" worked for me.)

Egan shares his wisdom with such gems as: "May the sound of happy music, and the lilt of Irish laughter, fill your heart with gladness, that stays forever after. May your blessings outnumber the Shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go." Cheers!

From slashfood!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

BRAIN GRAVY Episode 002: The Shining Face of Something Spectacular

BRAIN GRAVY Episode 002: The Shining Face of Something Spectacular
I feel a podcast coming on. A podcast so freaking awesome it makes all the other stuff we did look this should be part two of it. Well lucky listener, it IS! This episode finds our hero's doing what they do best: Drink and sit on their collective asses attempting to be entertaining. From the gigabytes of audio collected comes this, the highly anticipated episode two. Pour yourself a beverage of choice and join us on this installment of BRAIN GRAVY!


SUBSCRIBE via iTunes

* We love the warning so much its now in every show!
* The Voice of Reason!
* Mini Pink Floyd!
* The Drunken Doctor!
* Shel laughs backwards!
* Only a couple of us have actually met in real life!
* Pills, booze and Google! The great taste sensation that is sweeping the nation!
* Hear how the Shatner roast gateways us into a whole new realm of something else!
* And much, much more!
* Cheers!

Thanks to:
* Mrs. Spooky
* t3chnomanc3r
* Lilone (pronounced lil-ony)
* Canadian Avenger
* Dean
* Evil
* Rumbaar
* Screaming Viking
* Kinghorse
* Notagirlygirl
* LizzieLizzie
* Josie
* Shel and Bill
* Elijah Craig
* Elle
* SickPuppy
* Eggs - whose audio may or may not have been included in this episode
* The artist formerly known as Mamagoot, AKA Valentine
* Mixmaster secret Tiki music playing sensation Mr. TANGOROA!

Shout outs to:
* Teewinks
* Doctor Tiki, Johnny Johnny, and Lala over at Tiki Bar TV
* Kurt, Eggs and Estry over at The Real Happy Hour
* Groucho, CHUD and Angry Barcode over at The Beer Report
* Rick and Dick over at Big Foamy Head:
* Clarke, Hogdawg and Gonzo over at Dude Night
* Jeffery T and the gang at The good beer show:
* Spoon and SickPuppy at Should I Drink That:
* and anyone else we forgot.

Musical credits:
* "Vortex" by Kevin MacLeod (
* "Electric Butterfly" by Falik, from the album Elvolution available from

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